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Men
who are afraid of being ruined by success should get a job with the weather bureau. |
Husband answering the telephone "She's
not home, Mrs. Smith. Would you like to leave a rumor?" |
Adolescent : One who is well informed about
anything he doesn't have to study. |
"When the eyes are
closed, the hearing becomes more acute." says a medical authority. We
have noticed several people experimenting in church. |
There is nothing wrong
with having nothing to say----just as long as you don't say it out loud. |
Cultivate good
habits----The bad ones all grow wild. |
Taxes may be staggering,
but they never go down. |
Some girls will scream
at the sight of a mouse and then climb right into the car with a wolf. |
Women can keep a
secret just as well as men, but generally it takes more of them to do it. |
When a man forgets
himself he usually does something that everyone else remembers. |
You can't judge the
modern girl by her clothes. There isn't enough evidence. |
Spinsters lament:
"Whenever I meet a man who would make a good husband. he is." |
It will be interesting
to hear today's teen-agers tell their children what they had to do without. |
Don't underestimate love
at first sight. Most of us might not pass a second inspection. |
The trouble with being a
parent is that by the time you're experienced, you're unemployed. |
Never Buy anything with
a handle on it. It means work. |
Education is what is
left over after one has forgotten the facts. |
Ad in a newspaper:
"For sale. Complete set of encyclopedias. Never used. Wife knows
everything." |
A teacher scolded a
pupil : "if you don't learn to write, nobody will be able to read your picket
sign." |
Inflation : the system
whereby if you save long enough to buy something, you can't afford it. |
In the old days, if you
wanted to know whether a girl had knock-knees, you had to listen. |
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Many
an argument is sound ___and only sound!. |
Any government that is big enough to give you everything you want
is big enough to take everything you have got! |
A little girl ran into the classroom and told the teacher:
"Two boys are fighting in the schoolyard, and I think the one on the bottom wants to
see you." |
Some of us are like a
fence. We run around a lot without getting anywhere. |
Success is relative.
The more success, the more relatives. |
Do you know why
lightning never strikes twice in the same place? It doesn't have to. |
Pity the poor
housewife. when she feels a bit weary, she has no place to stay home from. |
Anyone who doesn't
worry about the world situation these days ought to have his television set examined. |
One nice thing about
the old fashioned blacksmith_when you brought your horse to be shod, he didn't think of
about 40 other things that ought to be done. |
Do not confuse an open
mind with a hole in the head. |
It's better to become
bent from hard work that to become crooked from avoiding it. |
A wife is a great
comfort to a husband during the distressing times a bachelor never has. |
Mother say that at
Christmas time the kids hang up their stockings. After that it's a full year before any
one of them hangs up anything again. |
The difference between
being a high-spirited child and a juvenile delinquent is whether he is my kid or yours. |
Girls bathing suits
are so brief these day that there is probably more cotton in the top of an aspirin bottle. |
Some people never get
interested in anything until it is none of their business. |
Mother to small son:
"If you don't want it, don't eat it. I'll put it in Daddy's lunch tomorrow." |
The income tax people
know what to give a man who has everything. An audit. |
The Stone Age is from
16 to 60__and the larger the stone, the better she will like it. |
A man was asked by a
salesman if his wife was home. "She must be," sad the husband. "the phone
is still warm." |
One reason experience
is such a good teacher is that she doesn't allow any dropouts. |